Priorities for the IQ Challenged

A motorcycle helmet is the second most valuable posession that a motorcycle rider can have, right after really loud,unmuffled chrome pipes. People who prefer to ride without helmets usually change their minds right after facial reconstructive surgery and a few dermabrasion treatments to remove scar tissue off of their eyelids.

Politics is not Brain (Salad) Surgery
To the more cynical bike rider, motorcycle helmets are just a huge form of government infringement on their freedom to ride. This is true. Governments cannot tax corpses–this is in the Constitution under ‘habeas corpus,’ which is Latin for “You must be this tall to ride.” Motorcycle helmets are uncomfortable, hot, sweaty, and make people look awkward while riding a motorcycle.Oddly enough, so does the medical headgear used to keep pieces of your skull from dropping into your soup at Denny’s after a bike wreck.

Motorcycle Helmet > Towel
Motorcycle helmets have the advantage of being useful protection against adding foreign bodies into the brain pan. Gravel, cigarette butts, candy wrappers, used condoms, and other road trash find it more difficult to adhere to the cerebellum of a motorcycle rider if he is wearing a helmet. People who refuse to wear a motorcycle helmet have the self-preservation instincts of a slug in a salt mine.
Welcome Back, My Friends, to the Show that Never Ends!

Ideally speaking, all motorcycle helmet laws should be repealed for the next 10 years. This will give Darwin enough time to weed out the boggling idiots who refuse to take basic saftey seriously, and lower the insurance rates for those of us who choose to keep our brains off the interstate. As with all government endeavors, this one started with a great idea, but only time will fix the problem–namely, get the dullards off the bikes and into the long-term-care living facilities where we can use our insurance dollars to pay someone to wipe their butts while they drool contentedly into their muffins.
Yves St. Laurent and Incontinence

For the fashion conscious, there are motorcycle helmets available from the basic “brain bucket” black cap to the entire body protective gear that greatly resembles John Travolta‘s “Boy in the Bubble” costume from the movie of the same name. A good helmet is one that fits snugly, has room for obscene bumper stickers and manufactures’s logos, and is big enough to eat cereal out of when not being used to protect your life. A certified DOT or SNELL helmet is even better, because the Department of Transportation and other testing organizations have taken the time and money to certify that this particular helmet is very good at keeping asphalt out of your ‘corpus colossum’, which is Latin for “brain pieces.” The DOT oversees road construction in most states (and Lotto in others) so the things they DO understand better than anyone else is what the road can do to the human brain at 80 miles per hour.
Color Me Bad, and other 1980′s Super Groups

Motorcycle helmets also come in a variety of colors, sort of like women’s fashions. There are a dazzling array of colors available for every motorcycle rider–however, black seems to work just fine. For some reason, the color of the helmet has no effect on the protective elements of the helmet itself, meaning even a pink helmet can protect the surliest biker. However, not wearing a helmet at all can result in being laughed at by second graders on a field trip while pieces of your face fall onto the grill while you are cooking hot dogs. There is no upside to going bareheaded on a motorcycle.